I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
