so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
