I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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