yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
