Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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