I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
When are your genitals available?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
