Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
