Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The maid of honor just puked.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize