fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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