i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
