apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You may now shotgun with the bride
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
