I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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