Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize