Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
