HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
