i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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