her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
