I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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