whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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