Are we in a gay sports bar?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
