I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
