nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
