the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
