No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
