Kiss
Puke
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
