he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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