I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
