I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
