i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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