I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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