No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You dont lie about slip and slides
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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