I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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