so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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