i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
