I just cut my nipple shaving
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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