how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
