I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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