I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
