those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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