Only a mothe r could love this liver
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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