god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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