We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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