grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize