I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
