How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
