Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
