I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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