he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
