who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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