i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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