I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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