Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
