He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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