I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
