she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
