You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
