I faked an abortion last night.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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