I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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