You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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