i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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