i permit you to call me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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