a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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