before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
