Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
