...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
