dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i dont even know how to be here
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
