I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
